Karkat Vantas ♋ carcinoGeneticist (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cancercarcino) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
forgottentales2020-05-23 08:38 pm
cancercarcino) wrote in forgottentales2020-05-23 08:38 pm
Entry tags:
1st Memo - RAINBOW RUMPUS SCHOOLFEEDING TOWN [Open]
Sender: Sun Wukong (Journey to the West) | Karkat Vantas
Recipient: Everyone
IT'S RECENTLY COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT AN EMBARRASSINGLY HIGH NUMBER OF PEOPLE TRAPPED IN THIS SAD EXCUSE OF A WIGGLER TALE SEEM TO BE STRUGGLING WITH A VERY IMPORTANT ASPECT OF CIVILIZED LIVING.
WHETHER IT BE LAYING PROSTRATE ACROSS THESE PAGES WITH DESPERATE WORDS PLEADING FOR GUIDANCE OR BECAUSE A SCENE DICTATES IT TO BE SO IN ORDER TO FIX WHATEVER STORY WE'RE STUCK FIXING, THE LACK OF BASIC KNOWLEDGE ON THIS AREA IS HONESTLY PRETTY ASTOUNDING, GIVEN THAT THE ENTIRE REASON FOR OUR BEING HERE IS TO FIX *STORIES*.
YOU KNOW, THE THINGS YOU READ AND HAVE PREDICTABLE PLOT LINES AND END IN EITHER DEATH, MUTILATION, OR POSSIBLY THE FULFILLMENT OF ONE'S HOPES AND DREAMS IN ORDER TO FULFILL A READER'S OWN LACK OF FULFILLMENT IN THEIR OWN SAD EXISTENCE?
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT ROMANCE.
ROMANCE IS *FUNDAMENTAL* TO THESE KINDS OF STORIES, AND YET SO MANY OF YOU IDIOTS CAN'T SEEM TO GRASP THE BASIC CONCEPT OF ASKING SOMEONE OUT ON A DATE OR EVEN SORTING OUT YOUR OWN FEELINGS ON THE MATTER.
IT'S PRETTY FUCKING EMBARRASSING AND IT MAKES ME WONDER HOW THE FUCK YOUR SPECIES HAS EVEN EVOLVED PAST THE PRIMORDIAL SLIME STAGE TO MAKE IT THIS FAR.
BUT FEAR NOT, YOU SORRY, UNCULTURED HERD OF BEEFGRUBS!
BECAUSE DESPITE YOUR LACK OF UNDERSTANDING, I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I HAPPEN TO BE A GODDAMN *EXPERT* ON ROMANCE.
I'VE READ SO MANY TEXTS AND STUDIED SO MANY FILMS ON ROMANCE THAT I COULD DESCRIBE TO YOU THE SUBTLE NUANCES ONE MIGHT EXPERIENCE AND HOW THEY HELP TO ENRICH ANY ASPECT OF ONE'S ROMANTIC PURSUITS, FROM QUADRANT VACILLATION TO THE BALANCE BETWEEN HATRED AND KISMESISSITUDE.
"BUT WAIT," I HEAR YOU PRACTICALLY WHINING THROUGH THE PAGES OF YOUR JOURNAL, "HOW COME I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THESE WORDS BEFORE??"
WELL THAT IS BECAUSE I'M TEACHING YOU ALL TROLL ROMANCE.
AND WHY AM I TEACHING YOU ALL ABOUT TROLL ROMANCE?
BECAUSE HUMAN ROMANCE IS DUMB AND SEVERELY LACKING IN ANY SORT OF SUBSTANCE OR COMPLEXITY.
IT'LL BE A CRASH COURSE IN CULTURAL EXCHANGE, SURE, BUT GIVEN HOW INADEQUATE HUMANS ARE WHEN IT COMES TO UNDERSTANDING THE COMPLEX ROMANTIC ENDEAVOURS AND WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TELL A MOIRAIL FROM AN AUSPISTICE EVEN WITHOUT KNOWING THE PROPER TERMS FOR IT, THIS IS THE KIND OF ROMANCE I'M GOING TO TEACH.
AND HONESTLY, IF EVERY SINGLE STORY WE ENCOUNTER DEALS WITH ROMANCE OF SOME KIND, THIS INFORMATION IS GONNA BE VITAL FOR FIXING THEM SOONER AND GETTING THE FUCK BACK HOME FASTER!
SO I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE MOST IMPORTANT SCHOOLFEEDING OF YOUR LIVES, ALL FREE OF CHARGE!
OF COURSE, ANY PRAISE YOU WISH TO HURL MY WAY IS ACCEPTABLE AND EVEN ENCOURAGED.
I'M PRACTICALLY WAITING ON YOU PRONG AND FUCKING NUB OVER HERE, A LITTLE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT WOULD BE NICE.
OKAY, ENOUGH PREFACE, ON TO THE ACTUAL LESSON!
[And then Karkat draws the following image:]
YOU SEE THIS?
COPY IT DOWN. MEMORIZE IT. LIVE AND BREATHE IT.
BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BASIS OF ALL I'M ABOUT TO TEACH YOU ALL.
SERIOUSLY, FIND A GODDAMN PEN AND START TAKING NOTES.
[And unless anyone stops to ask questions, Karkat is going to go into a long-winded, swear-ridden description of troll romance for all to see.]
Recipient: Everyone
IT'S RECENTLY COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT AN EMBARRASSINGLY HIGH NUMBER OF PEOPLE TRAPPED IN THIS SAD EXCUSE OF A WIGGLER TALE SEEM TO BE STRUGGLING WITH A VERY IMPORTANT ASPECT OF CIVILIZED LIVING.
WHETHER IT BE LAYING PROSTRATE ACROSS THESE PAGES WITH DESPERATE WORDS PLEADING FOR GUIDANCE OR BECAUSE A SCENE DICTATES IT TO BE SO IN ORDER TO FIX WHATEVER STORY WE'RE STUCK FIXING, THE LACK OF BASIC KNOWLEDGE ON THIS AREA IS HONESTLY PRETTY ASTOUNDING, GIVEN THAT THE ENTIRE REASON FOR OUR BEING HERE IS TO FIX *STORIES*.
YOU KNOW, THE THINGS YOU READ AND HAVE PREDICTABLE PLOT LINES AND END IN EITHER DEATH, MUTILATION, OR POSSIBLY THE FULFILLMENT OF ONE'S HOPES AND DREAMS IN ORDER TO FULFILL A READER'S OWN LACK OF FULFILLMENT IN THEIR OWN SAD EXISTENCE?
I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT ROMANCE.
ROMANCE IS *FUNDAMENTAL* TO THESE KINDS OF STORIES, AND YET SO MANY OF YOU IDIOTS CAN'T SEEM TO GRASP THE BASIC CONCEPT OF ASKING SOMEONE OUT ON A DATE OR EVEN SORTING OUT YOUR OWN FEELINGS ON THE MATTER.
IT'S PRETTY FUCKING EMBARRASSING AND IT MAKES ME WONDER HOW THE FUCK YOUR SPECIES HAS EVEN EVOLVED PAST THE PRIMORDIAL SLIME STAGE TO MAKE IT THIS FAR.
BUT FEAR NOT, YOU SORRY, UNCULTURED HERD OF BEEFGRUBS!
BECAUSE DESPITE YOUR LACK OF UNDERSTANDING, I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I HAPPEN TO BE A GODDAMN *EXPERT* ON ROMANCE.
I'VE READ SO MANY TEXTS AND STUDIED SO MANY FILMS ON ROMANCE THAT I COULD DESCRIBE TO YOU THE SUBTLE NUANCES ONE MIGHT EXPERIENCE AND HOW THEY HELP TO ENRICH ANY ASPECT OF ONE'S ROMANTIC PURSUITS, FROM QUADRANT VACILLATION TO THE BALANCE BETWEEN HATRED AND KISMESISSITUDE.
"BUT WAIT," I HEAR YOU PRACTICALLY WHINING THROUGH THE PAGES OF YOUR JOURNAL, "HOW COME I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THESE WORDS BEFORE??"
WELL THAT IS BECAUSE I'M TEACHING YOU ALL TROLL ROMANCE.
AND WHY AM I TEACHING YOU ALL ABOUT TROLL ROMANCE?
BECAUSE HUMAN ROMANCE IS DUMB AND SEVERELY LACKING IN ANY SORT OF SUBSTANCE OR COMPLEXITY.
IT'LL BE A CRASH COURSE IN CULTURAL EXCHANGE, SURE, BUT GIVEN HOW INADEQUATE HUMANS ARE WHEN IT COMES TO UNDERSTANDING THE COMPLEX ROMANTIC ENDEAVOURS AND WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TELL A MOIRAIL FROM AN AUSPISTICE EVEN WITHOUT KNOWING THE PROPER TERMS FOR IT, THIS IS THE KIND OF ROMANCE I'M GOING TO TEACH.
AND HONESTLY, IF EVERY SINGLE STORY WE ENCOUNTER DEALS WITH ROMANCE OF SOME KIND, THIS INFORMATION IS GONNA BE VITAL FOR FIXING THEM SOONER AND GETTING THE FUCK BACK HOME FASTER!
SO I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE MOST IMPORTANT SCHOOLFEEDING OF YOUR LIVES, ALL FREE OF CHARGE!
OF COURSE, ANY PRAISE YOU WISH TO HURL MY WAY IS ACCEPTABLE AND EVEN ENCOURAGED.
I'M PRACTICALLY WAITING ON YOU PRONG AND FUCKING NUB OVER HERE, A LITTLE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT WOULD BE NICE.
OKAY, ENOUGH PREFACE, ON TO THE ACTUAL LESSON!
[And then Karkat draws the following image:]
YOU SEE THIS?
COPY IT DOWN. MEMORIZE IT. LIVE AND BREATHE IT.
BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BASIS OF ALL I'M ABOUT TO TEACH YOU ALL.
SERIOUSLY, FIND A GODDAMN PEN AND START TAKING NOTES.
[And unless anyone stops to ask questions, Karkat is going to go into a long-winded, swear-ridden description of troll romance for all to see.]
Re: Rokurou Rangetsu | Huntsman
I FIND YOUR ABSOLUTE LACK OF CONFIDENCE IN MY VASTLY SUPERIOR KNOWLEDGE POOL TO BE INSULTING AND IF I COULD I'D FIND A WAY TO STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR OWN ACID TUBES.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT *YES*, I ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE!
SURE THAT RELATIONSHIP IS A REALLY SUDDEN MOIRAILLEGEANCE WITH AN UNSTABLE CLOWN-LOVING MURDER-HOBO, BUT SOMETIMES YOU DON'T REALLY CHOOSE WHO IT IS YOU FALL INTO PALEMATES WITH.
AND IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOUR ATTENTION SPAN IS SHORTER THAN THE LIFESPAN OF A CHEESE CRITTER IN A DEN OF PURRBEASTS.
DO SOME FUCKING WORK AND READ IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHAT AM I, A GODDAMN LUSUS? DO I HAVE TO PHYSICALLY CHEW YOUR FOOD AND VOMIT IT BACK UP FOR YOU TO GAIN NUTRIENTS?
AND THE HEART ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BLEED, THE INK I USED STARTED RUNNING.
no subject
If it takes several pages to try and explain romance, I think that means it's way more complicated than it should be.
no subject
HOW WOULD YOU EXPLAIN THE FLIP-FLOPPING NATURE OF A FLUSH-PITCH QUADRANT VACILLATION BETWEEN THREE PEOPLE AS ANYTHING *BUT* COMPLICATED??
BUT JUST BECAUSE IT'S COMPLICATED DOESN'T MEAN IT'S STUPID!
AND ALL I'M SAYING IS FORCING A FLUSHED NARRATIVE ALL THE TIME WHEN A STORY COULD EASILY BE EXPLAINED AS PITCH OR EVEN PALE WOULD MAKE THINGS NOT ONLY MORE INTERESTING BUT LESS FORCED!
no subject
No I still don't get it. Only thing I understood (I think) and agreed on was the whole "forced romance narrative" sucks.
no subject
OKAY, FINE, AT LEAST WE HAVE THAT GOING FOR US.
LOOK, ALL I'M SAYING IS IF YOU CAN HAVE A STORY FOCUSING ON THE FEELINGS OF PITY AND PROTECTION AND ALL THAT SOFT SQUISHINESS THAT THE LAST STORY WE WERE IN FOCUSED ON, THEN WE CAN DO THE SAME FOR FEELINGS OF RIVALRY, HATRED, AND ANNOYANCE.
IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD, OKAY??
EXPAND YOUR GODDAMN HORIZONS WHY DON'T YOU?
no subject
Think the problem was the WALL OF TEXT you threw out. Was about ready to fall asleep trying to get through it all.
no subject
THE DRAMA! THE CONCUPISCENT TENSION!
THE LITERAL PALPABLE ENERGY BETWEEN TWO INDIVIDUALS THAT SHOWS THE DELICATE BALANCE BETWEEN WANTING TO RIP OUT A RIVAL'S SQUAWK BLASTER AND WANTING TO SHOVE YOUR TONGUE DOWN THEIR PROTEIN CHUTE TO GET THEM TO SHUT UP!
IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK??
IT WOULD BE INTERESTING!
LOOK, I KNOW I CAN GET A LITTLE VERBOSE WHEN IT COMES TO CERTAIN TOPICS, BUT I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ANYTHING OUT HERE!
THIS IS IMPORTANT INFORMATION HERE!
IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM YOU HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A BEEFGRUB.
MAYBE THAT'S LESS A ME PROBLEM AND MORE A YOU PROBLEM?
no subject
[He gave Kaguya a sort of Harem and then created one ridiculous romantic backstory and then another more intriguing one.]
But it would be interesting if we coordinated on something, huh? You can be in charge of that.
[Mr. Pressed About Romances.]
Nah, definitely a you problem. Pretty sure I'm not the only who feels the same. I liked the diagram, though, so you should do more of those and try for some cliffnotes instead.
no subject
I COULD BE IN CHARGE OF THAT?
FUCK, FINALLY SOMEONE RECOGNIZES MY VAST KNOWLEDGE AND AUTHORITY ON THE MATTERS OF ROMANCE!
I ACCEPT THIS RESPONSIBILITY!
THE NEXT TIME WE GO INTO A STORY, I'M GOING TO BE THE ROMANCE LEADER!
I'M CLEARLY THE MOST KNOWLEDGABLE ONE HERE, JUDGING BY THE PISS-POOR STATE OF THIS MEMO.
SO, WHAT, YOU'RE SAYING IF I WANT PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND ME MORE, DRAW MORE PICTURES?
I'M NOT SURE WHETHER TO TAKE THAT AS HELPFUL ADVICE OR AN INSULT.