First Bottle

[deadmentellnotails]

Sender: Davy Jones | Eizen

Recipient: Everyone. Unfortunately.

[Rest in pieces, Index, because Eizen has been drinking with Rokurou. His handwriting is messy but legible and oh boy are the drawings included on this post surprisingly good for a drunken scribble.]

So Rokurou told me that there are kids here. Kids who may not know certain things. I may be a pirate but I’m also a big brother and a scholar and I know how you humans are.

You fuck like rabbits. And you’re bad at it. [In Rokurou’s handwriting:] speak for yourself I know the library here doesn’t have anything on romance or sex I’ve looked so that means you unfortunately have to deal with me. I’ve been drinking a lot.

[Little drawings in Rokurou’s hand of beer mugs. Eizen just wants to let everyone know why this is happening. Enough awareness to do that but not enough to stop this trainwreck.]

I can’t speak for how it works between two women but--

[What follows is a very drunken ramble covering the basics that Eizen can cover. With rough sketches to illustrate. Your journals may protest and censor things.

And commentary from Rokurou, though at one point there is a color war as Rokurou tries to make comments when Eizen starts talking about less tame things that end with Eizen writing "I am a thousand years old I think I know more shut up you drunk". Rokurou’s comment is just "haha old". And also a dick.

And he does attempt to offer ideas for how it works between two women but it’s not like Eizen would ever have a chance to find out how. Again, he crosses out anything Rokurou tries to say here because not happening.]

Any questions? Don’t ask Rokurou though. [And another scribble war on the journals. They are sitting right next to each other.]

[In the morning you will find a message at the top of the start of the previous entry from Eizen. In big, bold letters:]

FORGET YOU EVER READ THIS

IF YOU SEE ROKUROU KILL HIM

Comments

[chatwithdeath]

Too late.

Overall, I'll rate it a half-step above two boys drawing in a textbook. Started off not entirely illegible, but nothing could spare that ending.

that same night

[deadmentellnotails]

Still informative.

[ashadowofhope]

[And he'd just been thinking of trying to meet new people. He left his journal only to return to that message at the end.]

What does this 'Rokurou' look like?

[Don't even need to pay him.]

[deadmentellnotails]

[oligomania]

What the hell are you two doing?

Perhaps I should just kill the both of you.

[ Can they feel her exasperation from here? ]

[deadmentellnotails]

Blame Rokurou

[chippedsoul]

[........Why?] Do Seraphs even engage in such activities? Or procreate? [Is he really an expert at this?]

[deadmentellnotails]

Yes to the first no to the second

[rokubro]

[Just gonna be scribbling stupid stuff while still stupid drunk.]

Not bad for someone who hasn't been laid in like fifty million years 8D

[deadmentellnotails]

We've been over this you wine-soaked sashimi

1/?

[ricebird]

[Oh look, a journal post from Eizen. What could it--

2/?

[ricebird]

[...]

3/?

[ricebird]

4/5

[ricebird]

5/6 (For real this time)

[ricebird]

[She's just... going to shut her journal. For a few hours. With another book on top. Hopefully Hyde doesn't attack anyone GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!]

6/6

[ricebird]

[When Eizen messages in the morning, THANKFULLY her journal has the decency to start his conversation on a new page. (All the better to burn the old ones later...)]

I can definitely forget about that. Thank you, Eizen-san.

[HER journal starts doodling a bottle of wine... a MASSIVE one since Eizen is then drawn under it for scale... as the wine is poured into his awaiting mouth, a water line slowly rising. It even helpfully labels the bottle as a Melchior.]

...Fuckit I can't help myself.

[detectiveforhierophant]

[. . .]

[For the love of GOD--]

[He was going to check tomorrow if there was public decency laws in the Index with the Guards.]

You should never listen to Rokurou while drunk.

the following morning

[deadmentellnotails]

Unfortunately, drunk me doesn't care about what I shouldn't do.

[blazeoflife]

[...So uh. This was... informative. Very informative.

Now on one hand, Junpei wasn't exactly fond of excessive drunkness. Call it a sore spot for him. Onnn the other, getting such... uh. Detailed? Advice from someone over 1000 years old was pretty... once in a life time-y.]

Wwhat if ur worried you wont last?

[--Shit wait, was there an anon feature on here?!]

[deadmentellnotails]

[There is not, and Eizen won't answer until the morning. Mostly because he passed out.]

Then you won't. It's like any physical activity: you have to build up your stamina.

IN THE MORNING in case anyone wants to yell at him

[rokubro]

Guess this will be a fun morning for me.

[What is regret and remorse.]

[ricebird]

Rokurou-san... Why? Just why?

[moneymatters]

[At first he's just laughing. Of all things to appear in the journals-

Once he composes himself, he sends a reply.]

I hope you're, ah, getting paid for your... service to the community.

[deadmentellnotails]

Volunteer work

[lifesa_witch]

Good to know this is one of the so-called "heroes" of the realm.

[deadmentellnotails]

Never said I was one

[takeittothebridge]

[Sorry this is just too funny.]

Thanks for the lesson. It was very informative.

[deadmentellnotails]

[The journal draws a little stick!Eizen raising a bottle in a toast.

The actual Eizen is still cracking up from Scrooge]

[cancercarcino]

[Sorry Eizen, but the text that follows is certainly not someone you've heard from before.]

WHAT THE WET BAG OF HUMAN HORSE SHIT TO THE FACE DID I JUST BEAR WITNESS TO??
IF THIS IS MEANT TO BE SOME SORT OF PISS-POOR ATTEMPT AT TROLLING ME ON MY FIRST DAY IN THIS SHITHOLE, THEN CONGRATS, BULGESUCKER, YOU'VE GOTTEN MY ATTENTION!
THIS IS ACTUALLY EMBARRASSING ON SO MANY LEVELS THAT IT MAKES EVEN MY OWN MEMOS LOOK TAME AND ORGANIZED IN COMPARISON.
ALL I'M GOING TO SAY IS THAT IF ALL HUMANS HERE ARE AS DAMAGED IN THEIR SPONGES AS THIS IS LEADING ME TO BELIEVE THEN I AM GOING TO DO AN ACROBATIC FUCKING PIROUETTE RIGHT BACK TO WHERE I CAME FROM BECAUSE I AM NOT DEALING WITH THIS.

that night because it's funnier

[deadmentellnotails]

Who the hell are you and why are you screaming

[natation]

Wow. I mean. I guess it wasn't like I really expected that from my own dad but uh. Yeah. You two are drunk. So drunk.

But uh. Props for trying? I guess?

[He.....is pretty sure Athena is kinda slowly warming to him in regards to Annabeth but even so they hadn't done anything more than kiss yet. And it is not like his girlfriend was here anyway. So there's no chance of Percy actually putting any of....er....this to use.

At least not yet. For now, he can't help but to give a wry smirk though.]

But uh, the....sex part aside, any advice for an eventual older brother?

[Because yes. Sally was having another kid.]

[deadmentellnotails]

When I'm sober

[And the next morning, as promised!]

I'll give you advice if you promise to never mention this entry again.